>Last night Persnickety and her Husby had a run-in with some type of hideously disfigured creepy-crawly.
It all started when my dear Husby decided to take Walter The Spaz out for his last doodie of the night. As Husby was holding the door open and trying to bribe his delicate little pansy of a dog outside, (it’s quite possible that we have the most psychotic wussy of a dog EVER), he suddenly threw the door shut and took off for the other side of the deck.
Of course this caught my attention. The previous developments occur quite frequently here at the Hall house and usually mean that it’s time for Persnickety to run and hide until she gets the ok sign from her Husby that he has killed whatever beast has attempted to feast on her troubled brain.
Recalling my past experiences with zombie insects, I cautiously looked up at the clear glass door and saw IT.
Now since this giant green brain eater was stuck to the outside of the door where my poor Husby was, and I happened to be safely inside where it couldn’t get me, I of course felt uncharacteristically brave and decided to get a closer look.
Shocked to see how huge this monster was, I held my hand up to the glass door and noticed that when I spread my fingers out it was literally as big as my hand. It also appeared to be holding something with one of its many legs and eating it, thus confirming to me that it wanted to eat MY brain.
Let’s not forget about its beady evil red eyes and eerie antennas.
All the while Tofu Ninja Kitty, being the ferocious assassin that she is, was jumping and smacking herself into the glass door with such vigor it’s possible she may have caused herself some neurological damage.
At this point Husby determined that he had spent far too much time trapped outside alone with the creature and knew that the only way I was ever going to let him back inside was if he went all Karate Kid on the beast. His motto: “Strike first, strike hard, no mercy!”
Grabbing whatever was closest to him, (which happened to be a small bbq cleaning brush), he tried with all his might to flick it off the door. Apparently green monsters of doom have super powers and can stick themselves to anything they want. After multiple hits and misses, Husby finally connected with a brutal force and sent the tyrant flying.
Being that Old Greenie was now immobilized Husby raised his Flip Flop of Fate and, for a brief second, I saw a look of defeat and fury in those red beady eyes.
And just like that, it was all over. Husby, feeling pompous and masculine, opened the door and called for the dog which was nowhere to be found. Walter The Spaz had upon seeing and hearing all of the commotion ran and buried himself under the covers of our bed. Hey man, zombie bugs are scary guys!
Given that I was totally and completely preoccupied, I’m sorry to say didn’t get any good pictures of our, um, visitor while he was alive. I did however grab my camera and go hunting for its corpse today.
Behold, our Green Monster of Doom:
Now, what you may not realize as you stare at these disgusting images, it the fact that half of it is missing. Yes. HALF.
Oh and hey, let’s just throw in a picture of one of the other brain stealers that we found on our kitchen floor.
♥ Persnickety Hall.